Tatsuha Claus
by Determined
Summary: Tatsuha gets caught stealing, and is sentenced to community service hours...as a Mall Santa. Lucky for him, Ryuichi Sakuma lurves Christmas. Krismasu TatsRyu lovin' is the result. Short drabblesque chappies. Enjoy!
1. Chapter 1

First Gravi fic! (Technically no though...but this is my first typed out, so W00T!)

Enjoy Krismasu-filled TatsRyu luvin'.

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Tatsuha adored Nittle Grasper.

Certainly the under-statement of the year.

Tatsuha freakin' worshipped Nittle Grasper, and if anyone who came between him and his beloved music band would find 67, 819 Buddhist curses on their descendants, and the prospect of getting gunned down by a monk who wasn't above crime.

So when he saw there was only one more copy of Nittle Grasper's limited edition "Krismasu with Kumagoro and Friends" DVD, and realized he was dead broke, he did the only thing expected of a holy sinner.

He converted it to Buddhism, then beckoned at it to join him.

…In order words, he stole it.

And he would've gotten away with it too, if it weren't for the fact that he was wanted in all the malls in Kyoto for multiple acts of robbery, and his face was plastered on every corner of the store.

Naturally he was strip-searched, interrogated, and given disapproving stares before he was accompanied home by a police officer, handcuffed.

His father and the police officer exchanged pleasantries _("What did he do this time?" "The usual…stole something Nittle Grasper-related."_), Tatsuha was lectured on the doorstep, then the officer left, Tatsuha was lectured inside, he was sent to call Mika (who lectured him) then Tohma came over to Mika's so he lectured Tatsuha too…when all that was done, Tatsuha was sent to his room.

…Where he was lectured by his conscience.

_"What were you thinking? You already had 5 copies of it!"_

"But this version had different cover fonts! Who knows, Ryuichi's english subs might be better!"

_"Shame on you! It's the holiday season and all you can think about is your obsession!"_

"I can't help it!"

_"If only you would think of generosity instead of Ryuichi…"_

"I would, if generosity was a bishie with a smashing voice."

_"That's it, I'm leaving. Clearly my guilt trips will be wasted here."_

"Fine then. Leave."

_"…Technically I can't. I'm you, see. If I left, everything would explode."_

"Oh."

_"Hmmm…but I can settle on sulking, so yeah. I'm gonna sulk. Bye."_

"Okay. Night."

_"(Is sulking)."_

After that moment of insanity, Tatsuha got bored and fell asleep.

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The mall loathed Tatsuha. Whenever he tried to visit, he had to be patted down by at least 14 guards, and a highly trained rare patting monkey before walking in. So when Tatsuha had committed his 179th act of robbery on them, they decided enough was enough. No more community service hours there as a janitor or a plumber. (Even though, they admitted, the boy did know his pipes.) It was time for the ultimate juvvie spirit breaker.

"you're gonna make me do **WHAT**?!" the mall representative barely managed to hide his gleeful grin.

"You're kidding, right?" The mall representative couldn't take it, and burst into taunting laughter.

"BWAHAHHAAA! Ahem…I'm sorry sir, but this is not a joke."

"Isn't there anything I can do? I do know my pipes, you know."

"The mall superiors specifically asked for you to do the job."

"B-but…fine. I won't like it though."

"You're not supposed to."

"…STFU."

And so began Tatsuha's epic punishment as the one, the only…Mall Santa.

Yay for him.

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These will probably get shorter and shortah. Mwa.

R and R NOWZ.


	2. Chapter 2

2nd chappie is UP! POV switches each chappie, m'kay?

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Christmas was hell for Tohma. Ryuichi knew this was true because the blonde would often scream this at the top of his lungs, or something similar except with more cusses. Ryuichi sometimes wondered why Tohma felt that way about Christmas. Was it because of the colours? The people? The places? Asked Ryuichi. No, Tohma would reply. It's because of you.

He would then proceed with a long-winded rant on how Ryuichi's childish behaviour always heightened at this time of year, how inappropriate it was for a 32-year old rock star to beg for candy canes, demand presents, and wear fugly holiday sweaters to his concerts. They were even fuglier than his year-round sweaters!

Usually Ryuichi would tune the man out and stare out the window or play with his Kumagoro. But today was different. There were no windows and Tohma had taken his dearest Kumagoro for a whole week. What was worse, instead of giving up on convincing Ryuichi to grow up, Tohma went on.

And on.

And on.

"Not to mention that elf incident cost me a fortune to cover up! Not as much as when you threw fruit cake at crowd at you last show, now _that_ was a doozy. Really Ryuichi, grow up. These scandals will leak, I just know it."

There was no way he could escape Tohma's prattling. Unless…

"Tohma?"

"-the reindeer weren't toys! Huh? Yes, Ryuichi?"

"If I take Mika shopping today, will you get off my back?

And just like that, Tohma stopped talking. Because getting Mika to stop whining at him to shop with him (because of his psuedo-gay pimp fashion sense) for even one day was worth an eternity of Ryuichi's immature behaviour.

It took Tohma 13 minutes and 14 seconds to abandon Mika and Ryuichi at the nearest mall. What made this amazing was that the drive to the nearest mall took an average 3 hours. The man sure could hustle when he wanted to.

And so began Mika and Ryuichi's epic reign of terror on the mall. Rest be assured, women's dressing boothsthere will have **"NO MIKAS ALLOWED"** written in bold by the time they finished.

Heck, the mall might as well ban the whole Uesugi family, the lot of them seem to install fear into all of the women store employees. (In Yuki's case, probably more admiration.)

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Next chappie comes...tomorrow. Yayz.


	3. Chapter 3

Chappie about: Tatsuha's woes. Enjoy.

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Being a mall Santa sucked. Candy cane.

Sure, the job had perks such as dental benefits, and an anti-midget discrimination policy, but Tatsuha was born a bishie so he already had perfect teeth. Besides, no one made fun of the elves. The elves were cuter than the children, for Kumagoro's sake.

And frankly, he hated kids.

They'd always be crying or throwing a tantrum while they waited in line. And when they finally sat on his lap, some would urinate. Worse, one little boy had recently ate 17 bean burritos, and the results were gassy. Let's just say Tatsuha swore that for half the visit, the boy was levitating.

But the most evil thing about being a mall Santa (besides the fact that Tatsuha wasn't getting paid) was at the end of every visit.

True kids were brats, but very _VERY_ adorable brats. Each and every visit, it was guaranteed the kid would ask "Is Santa really gonna get me it?"

Oh Gawd.

That killed him every time. He had no idea what compelled the kids to ask him that. Why couldn't they ask "Is Santa real?" (At which he would say _yes_, but cough _no_.) or "Can he get me just one more thing?" (At which he would say _no_, but cough _no_.)

What was the proper response to such a naive plea? Should he say yes, and soil the good name of Mall Santa when they discover the truth? Or say no, and crush their hopes and dreams?

Usually to avoid such conflict, Tatsuha would cut off the kid mid-question with a "Ho Ho Ho! I think I see your mommy there!" at which the child's short attention span would take over and cause them to squee to their parent happily.

Still, Tatsuha would feel bad. Badder than bad…he felt guilty. It was his job as a monk to enlighten. Not that he liked being a monk…it was just that it had been hammered so many times into his skull that he couldn't wanting to be…nice.

A nice Tatsuha. What an oxymoron.

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I'll probably update in a few hours. Or tomorrow.

R and R?


	4. Chapter 4

**MERRY KRISMASU.**

...and umm...yeah.

Enjoy.

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Santa Claus to Ryuichi, was like how Ryuichi was to Tatsuha.

He freakin' worshipped Santa Claus, and anyone who became between him and his beloved St. Nick would find 67, 819 Kumagoro Beams to the head of their family, and the prospect of being gunned down by a rock star who wasn't above whopee cushions, fake vomit, and childish pranks galore.

So when he saw the gigantic Santa Claus Workshop that was across from Mika's favourite store, he did the only thing expected of an innocent rock star.

He kindly pointed Mika towards the store then got a VIP to the workshop.

...In order words he pushed Mika into the shop, then butted all the other kiddies in line to see Santa.

And unlike Tatsuha, he got away with his devious deed. No one in their right mind would refuse the adorable chibi eyes the man so often wore.

Once the door elf signaled at him, the green-haired bishie skipped merrily towards the workshop, ready to chat with Santa like a sinner confessing to a preacher.

A red suit sporting preacher, with an invincible reindeer army.

Anyway.

Ryuichi pushed the door, and was in. But he didn't even noticed he was in the workshop, nor that he was a mere 2 metres away from Santa. In fact, he even forgot about Santa.

All he could think about were the dangerously enticing dark eyes that were staring right at him.

Then he fainted.

_Cliche_, anyone?

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Muhahaha...


	5. Chapter 5

Double updates PWN.

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It had started out as just another mall shift. 31 urinations, 78 tantrums, and a couple kids with the chicken pox. Same old, same old.

But then Ryuichi Sakuma burst in, and time stood still.

At first Tatsuha thought it was a cutout one of his rebellious friends had decided to prank him with.

But then Tatsuha noticed the cutout was running towards him. Tatsuha blew it off as a hallucination due to stress (and a bit of rum he had drunk earlier.)

Then Tatsuha observed that the cutout was giggling. Again, he chalked it p to stress and alcohol.

The cutout finally stopped running and giggling.

And it stared. At him.

Something about those sparkling violet eyes made a believer out of the monk.

After Tatsuha's small epiphany, Ryuichi fainted.

Which totally killed the moment, but what the hey? Tatsuha wasn't one to complain. He hoisted the man up, (surprisingly heavy; must be all of the candy canes bulging from the pop idol's pockets. and sat him down on his chair before anyone noticed the slight commotion.

After that, he stared.

He had seen his idol countless times in concert, but never had he noticed…

…how astonishingly delicate his eyelashes were. They were like slender fairy fingers gently closing his eyes shut.

Anyway.

The fairy fingers began to flutter, and revealed something better than ryuichi's eyelashes.

Ryuichi's eyes.

And then Tatsuha fainted.

This fic is just chock full of clichés.

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**STOP.**

…And review.


	6. Chapter 6

Triple trouble! (Wow 3 updates in a day…I should write drabbles more often!)

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Santa's so pretty, thought Ryuichi. Too pretty to take a nappy on the floor. So Ryuichi picked Santa up, (surprisingly light; Santa must be on a diet.) and set him down on the chair he had been sitting on.

Bored, Ryuichi began stare at the jolly man. Santa was quite the bishie…

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Tatsuha began to stir. What's this? He thought. Another hallucination?

But then he glanced at Ryuichi's eyes and remembered.

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"Santa you're awake!" Ryuichi joyously shouted. Tatsuha blushed. He looked so cute when he was happ- the monk was interrupted mid-thought by a certain Sakuma sitting rather forcefully on his lap.

"Yowza! Santa, there's a candy cane in your pocket." pointed out Ryuichi.

"That's not a candy cane..."

"Nani?"

"Never mind." Tatsuha struggled to keep down his inner yelps of joy. "What do you want for Christmas, little boy- err, man?"

A billion wishes rushed through Ryuichi's head. _A motorcycle! A magical microphone! Another Kumagoro! A pimp jacket just like Tohma's!_

But then he stared at his dearest Santa.

"All I want for Christmas Santa...is erm," stuttered Ryuichi, nervous for the first time in his life. _"You."_

"...Come again?" Tatsuha thought he had heard him say _"You"_ but that was simply ridiculous.

"I want you, Santa. I want you to come to my concerts, and play with me back stage, help me prank Tohma-kun, carry me when I'm sleepy...I want to be with you forever, Santa."

"Oh no..." Tatsuha sighed, his eyes full of sadness. "Ryuichi-"

"You know my name?!"

"Umm...Santa knows everyone's names. The point is Ryuichi...I'm not really Santa. I'm just a juvenile delinquent who was caught stealing and was forced to dress up as Santa." Tatsuha winced, waiting for Ryuichi to burst into woeful tears.

But instead, Ryuichi giggled. "Silly Santa, I already know you're not the real Santa! The real Santa's too famous to leave the North Pole, 'else the paparazzi will get him! You're just one of his workers!" The green-haired male grinned sweetly. "Santa's so cute. What's your real name, Santa?"

"It's Tatsuha. Tatsuha Uesugi."

The rock star gasped. "Uesugi? No way! You're related to MikaMika! And ShuShu's boyfriend! Now that I think about it..." at this, he turned his head to one side. "From here, you look sorta like him. Not really though...you're cuter than him."

Still nervous around his favourite celebrity, Tatsuha tentatively laughed. "That's sweet of you."

"So Tats-chan, can I please have you? I'll treat you real good!"

"I guess...if you're a good boy, m'kay?"

Ryuichi looked adoringly at his new-found idol. "Okie dokie!" Suddenly, his head drooped. "I guess this means my turn is over..."

"Yeah. sorry. Wait," Tatsuha fumbled around his pockets. "Here it is! Have a candy cane."

"No thanks Santa. I'd much rather have a..." Shy, he whispered his wish into Tatsuha's ear.

Santa's eyes widened in surprise. Then a deep blush took over his face. He took a deep breath...

...and gave the boy a butterfly kiss.

"It tickles!" exclaimed Ryuichi. "Your turn now!"

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In the end, the kids in line gave up waiting and went home.

Mika went back without Ryuichi to whine at her husband that she was now banned from the mall.

And as for Ryuichi and Tatsuha?

They stayed after hours at the mall, giving each other butterfly kisses. When the guards found them, they ran as fast their legs could take them. And I can tell you truthfully, that's not very far. The guards caught them, and Tatsuha was once again punished. This time though, he was punished with Ryuichi.

As they were driven home by a police man and his pet patting monkey, Tatsuha told Ryuichi that he was really sorry for getting him in trouble. I'd rather be naughty with you, then nice with anyone else, replied Ryuichi.

"Hey Tatsuha? Your candy cane's poking me again."

"...That's not a candy cane."

"Nani?"

"Never mind. Merry Christmas Ryu-chan."

"Merry Christmas Tats-chan! Wait, you're a Buddhist. Erm...Merry Karma-mas!"

"...Thanks koi."

And from then on, the only thing they freakin' worshipped was each other.

**END.**

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THE END.

Now review, my fingers hurt.


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